White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
