Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
