i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
