he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
