we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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