im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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