You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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