i barfeds in our rink
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
