i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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