does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
