i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
