i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
