Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
