There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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