Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
