yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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