Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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