So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
