but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
