im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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