So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You are a genius and a whore.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
