its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
