he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
