You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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