As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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