You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
