on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
