so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
