I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
