I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
