In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
