toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
