he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
