Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
