I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
