so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
someone owes me an orgasm
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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