Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
