omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
