I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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