I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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