I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
