in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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