I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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