what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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