Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
