I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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