I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
