You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
