A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
