we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
