the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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