look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
