By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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