I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
