I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
