Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
