my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
