you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
