how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
