So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
